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I have found Empathic Listening to be an invaluable tool in my coaching practice. Not only do my clients feel heard and validated but they also find that when they apply this skill to their every day life, it can help enormously. It is a powerful asset in business dealings as well as in close relationships. In modern society, most of us have forgotten the art of how to really tune in and listen to each other. We are caught up in our world of cell phones and blackberries while trying to hold a conversation. Our minds are often preoccupied and the conversation literally goes in one ear and out the other. Wouldn't it be nice to have a conversation with someone where you not only have their undivided attention but also sense that they are really interested in what you are saying? The reason Empathic Listening is such an incredibly powerful communication skill is that it lets the other person know you are present and interested in what they are saying. According to the dictionary, empathy is a way of "experiencing as one's own of the feelings of another." When using this skill in communicating with another, you are putting aside your own values, needs and judgments and focusing on the essence of what the other person is thinking, feeling or wanting. You acknowledge this person's words by looking them in the eye, nodding your head and responding to them in a way that lets them know you are there with them. Your focus stays on the speaker until the person has completed what they are sharing. An example of this would be a speaker telling you that they just paid off their credit card debt, and your empathic response would be something like, "That must be a huge relief!" or "You must feel so good!" By acknowledging them in this way, the speaker feels heard. So many times, a speaker will make a statement and the listener will turn the subject matter back to themselves. Here is an example of NOT being an empathic listener. The speaker says, "I just lost 25 pounds. This is the first time in my life I've been able to lose the weight and keep it off." The non-empathic listener would reply by saying, "I remember the first time I lost a lot of weight. I was so happy until the pounds starting creeping back on, etc, etc." This listener has completely ignored the speakers "win," and emphasized that they are more concerned about themselves. Empathic listening can be a wonderful tool to increase the intimacy in a relationship. When the focus stays on the speaker, both people share a more meaningful exchange. Try the following exercise with a partner. Take turns sharing about a topic that is important to you (i.e., a problem you are having trouble solving, something exciting happening in your life, etc.) The person who is doing the "empathic" listening should really tune in and pay attention to what the speaker is saying. Maintain eye contact, make comments like, "I hear you," or "I understand what you are saying." You don't have to solve the person's problem; you just need to let them know that they are being heard. Reverse roles and do the same exercise again. Experience the bond you feel with the other person when you listen in this way. Empathic listening is about the quality of your listening to another person. When a person feels that they've been heard and understood, they feel validated and cared for. By embracing the skill of listening from your heart instead of your head, you will find your relationships acquire a deeper quality and meaning. To book a complimentary coaching consultation, contact Jana Hollingsworth at jana@dreamsnmotion.com. Jana is a Life Coach and Human Design Analyst www.dreamsnmotion.com
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